Want a brand new Tesla?

Imagine that perfect car.  The one you have always dreamt about.  Picture it in your head.  Now imagine going for a test drive.  You slide into the drivers side and sink into the seat.  It fits like a glove.  You take a deep breath and smell that new car smell.  The leather seats are soft and luxurious.  You turn the ignition and hear the soft purr of the engine. Turn on the stereo and your favorite song is playing through crystal clear speakers.  You put it in drive and head out.  Carefully at first but then you settle in.  It's like this car was made for you - it's everything you imagined it would be.  You feel the freedom of the open road and it takes all of your willpower to reluctantly turn around and bring the car back.

The sales person says "so what did you think?".   You have always admired this car from afar but after being in it and driving it for a bit you really want to own it.  You look at the sticker price - a significant investment.  This purchase isn't an easy one.  You will have to sacrifice a few things in order to obtain the car.  So you punch some numbers and decide it is worth it.

This is one of the biggest investments you have ever made.  You realize you must take care of something you have invested so much into.  You wash it, do regular maintenance, fix little problems before they become big problems.  You really appreciate this car - what it provides.  How it makes you feel.

This car gives
you freedom.  Freedom to travel and move from one place to another in complete luxury.  It makes you feel accomplished and worthy.  It provides a comfortable, safe place as you move through your day.  It provides excitement and stability.

Now imagine that car is your body.  Re-read the above with that mind set.

How much more important to your life is your body than a car.  Is there any comparison?  What are you willing to put in to maintain good health or achieve better health?  We spend money, time and energy on cell phones, TVs, cars and pumpkin spiced lattes without much thought.  Why do we not spend it on the one thing keeping us alive?

Now call me to schedule your personal training.  305-0527

CHANGING LIVES

If you have ever read my blog or know me at all you know that I love change.  I am not one to shy away from new experiences and enjoy the thrill of taking on new adventures.  I think it is exciting to see the results of change.  So I am very excited to share with you the next chapter in my life.

I will be in the business of changing lives.  In the most amazing, trans formative and personal way.  I get to have the opportunity to see first hand the physical, mental and spiritual effects of positive change on a single individual.

In my fitness career I have been blessed to watch transformations in a group setting.  I have seen new friendships form, confidence regained, self esteem heightened and bodies become stronger.  There is something special about getting a whole room full of people from different backgrounds together to achieve a common goal - health.  I am now taking it to a deeper level.  I want to help people on a more personal level experience life changing transformations.

I have experienced first hand the benefits of CHOOSING to live a healthier and more active life.  Here is a little background on me.  I was not always active.  I didn't play sports in school.  I felt intimidated and awkward.  It was once said in sixth grade by my teacher that "Kristin, you couldn't hit the side of a barn if you were in the barn with the doors closed".  I was uncoordinated and missed the life lesson that you have to practice and work hard to be successful at anything in life.  That set the stage for my timidness when it came to physical activity.  I spent my 20s not realizing that physical exertion is directly related to emotional health.  These years were full of angst and stress.  I felt out of control and without direction.  I have been blessed with a relatively high metabolism so I stayed within the normal weight range but completely lacked self confidence.  Two kids, stretch marks and rolls were the marker of my early 30s.  I lacked energy and always felt tired.  Easy food was more common than good food in our home.

It wasn't until I met my dear friend Suzanne that I was introduced to this new world of fitness.  She asked me several times to take her class before I finally agreed.  I was scared.  I didn't know what I was doing.  I was not strong or coordinated.  Everyone was going to look at me.  It was because of Suzanne that I actually enjoyed that first class.  She made me feel comfortable and capable.  She encouraged me and although I was sore after that first class it made me feel stronger and I wanted to go back.  I didn't feel alone.  I felt secure knowing she was there to show me the way.

That is how it all started.  She gave me a gift by encouraging me to embrace health and wellness and now I want to pay it forward and give that gift to others.  I want to walk along side you and be your best cheerleader.  I want to share my knowledge with you so the road becomes easier.  I want to watch you succeed and surpass goals you didn't think were possible.  I want you to feel empowered and capable of achieving your biggest dreams.

Cancer has taught me one very important thing - you have heard me say it often.  Life is short so you should take every opportunity to really LIVE it.  We don't realize how important our health is until we don't have it.  I have never felt stronger, healthier, or more driven than I do right now.  My health allows me to embrace all of the other areas of my life in a much more fulfilling and satisfying  way.  I want you to feel that too!

I have taken a full time position at Kennedy Club Fitness as a personal trainer and will start training people in September.  This will be my sole focus for the time being.  I intend to be more than what you would expect from a "personal trainer".  I intend to be there every step of the way until you reach your goals.  I want to be the one you call when you are at the grocery store and don't know what to buy and the one who calls you at 5:30am to get you out of bed.  I only have one pre-requisite for me to train you.  You have to be ready and you have to want it.  Do you want to change your life?  I mean really change your life?   Do you want to feel good every day?  Do you want to experience life to the fullest?  If you do - then nothing can stop us!

LIFE

Live In Full Experience

I am a firm believer that we make our own happiness.  It is completely within our control on a daily basis how we choose to respond to life's experiences.  The moment we wake up in the morning when the first thoughts pop into our heads is our first opportunity to DECIDE how our day will go.  How often do you take a second to recognize how you feel at any particular moment?  Waking up in a warm bed after a decent nights rest should make you feel grateful.  Feeling the warm water relax your body in the shower should make you feel thankful, inspired, ready.  To fully live life in the moment and pursue your dreams and desires is quite a balancing act.  Choosing to revel in daily activities like washing dishes or folding laundry while making effort and time to reach beyond the daily routine and find passion and fulfillment in larger goals takes discipline.  I find taking some alone time to really examine what is important to you in life on a daily basis can bring clarity and focus.

Too often we feel dragged down by negative self talk.  We make excuses for our lack of energy, desire, time and effort.  Sometimes we let what other people think of us dictate our worth.  Our thought are filled with "I can't" or "I don't" when in reality almost everything is within our reach if we organize, work and motivate ourselves to get there.

ORGANIZE.  We all get the same 24 hours in a day.  How is it some people are able to achieve spectacular things while others only dream of it?   I believe 50% of success is based on organizing your time to achieve your goals.  I used to make excuses for not waking up early to get my workout in.  "I am not a morning person."  "I am just too tired the rest of the day if I do that."  Then one day I DECIDED to make it a priority to start my day with my favorite thing - exercise.  It took a good two weeks of going almost every day for me to adjust to a new schedule but now I crave it.  I get my clothes ready the night before in anticipation of the endorphins released the next morning.  Instead of thinking about that cup of coffee I think about music pumping in my headphones and my heart pounding.  I DECIDED to use more of my 24 hours to achieve my goals.  Getting up a couple of hours earlier allows me to not only feel spectacular the rest of the day but gives me that extra time to consider how I will proceed toward my goals and ambitions.  This is my alone time.

WORK.  Living a life of fulfillment and joy requires work and discipline.  Nobody wants to hear that.  We expect things to come easily to us.    If you think about a time when you were truly happy and fulfilled most likely it took work and discipline to get there.  Our very humanness dictates that fulfillment comes from effort.  Whether it be finding that perfect job, meeting the love of your life or being recognized for your charitable work most everything we feel really good about required work.  So why are we so afraid of working?  Going the extra mile, putting in the extra hour, challenging ourselves to reach farther and push harder are worth it.  It gives us strength and confidence to achieve even more.  Too often laziness is the only thing keeping us from our greatest desires.

MOTIVATE.  All living things require motivation.  Flowers reach for the sunshine.  Animals are motivated by food.  We have to find the things that truly motivate us.  If you offer a mouse a piece of lettuce or a piece of cheese the mouse is going to go for the cheese every time.  That mouse will probably work extremely hard to get that cheese but won't try hard at all for the lettuce.  If your goal is to lose weight and your motivation is to fit into clothes and you are not successful - then your motivation is not correct.  You can have the same goals but may need to change the motivation to be successful.  Maybe the new motivation is to feel better, or to run with your kids, or live longer.  Sometimes it is extremely challenging to find the things that really, truly motivate us but once we do find it success is attainable.

I don't want to get to the end of my life and say I missed it.  I want to look back and know that I did all I could to EXPERIENCE life.  Cherishing the smiles on my children's faces, feeling the sun shine on my forehead,  savoring a delicious meal.  I want to know that I did all I could to be the best human I could be.  The best Kristin I could be. Along with helping others through life I want to know that I worked hard to achieve and provide a better life for myself and those around me.  I want to know that I LIVED.

Kicking and Screaming

My faith is strong.  I am confident saying that  - with all of the death, sickness and moves that have happened in my life - my faith has pulled me through.  That is not to say it has never been shaken.  My prayer always is that God will put before me the path that I am suppose to take - but often I am like a 2 year old.  You can picture that kid who doesn't want to be in the car seat, or go to bed, or get dressed, and wriggles and fights to get what they want.  I am a very bad listener most of the time.  My ego and my humanness get in the way of what is truly best for me.

Suzanne and I fought the closure of the Edge for a LONG time.  Much longer than most people realized.  We did not want to fail but more importantly we did not want to let people down.  We spent so much of our energy growing a business into a living, breathing, being, filled with love and kindness that closing it would be like killing it.  When doors started to close on us we would find a crack in a window somewhere.  When the window closed we found an air vent.  We fought hard but in the end EVERY door was closed, or more like slammed and locked.  We looked at each other and decided this must be what was intended for us - God has a bigger plan.

After the closure grief set in.   We were anxious.  Couldn't sleep.  We didn't know what to do with our time.  I dove into the one thing that I know helps me deal with life - exercise.  I was working out harder after the Edge closed than when we were teaching all of the time.  When I took my first class at another gym I almost cried.  WHAT DID WE DO??  This wasn't the same - not even close.  We must have made a huge mistake.  We couldn't even drive by the old Edge location without feeling sick.

We reluctantly decided to run our bootcamp at the park.  Workout outside?  Really? Well, if that is the only place we can truly do what we love then it will have to do.  We are only one week into our "mobile" bootcamp and on Friday when Suzanne and I pulled into the driveway we looked at each other with tears in our eyes.  This is good.  We are doing exactly what we did at the Edge but in a different location.  We in fact LOVE working out outside - there is something so calming about the fresh air and blue sky.  We are connecting again with amazing people and building confidence and health.  We didn't realize how heavy the burden of that building was around our necks.  It was, after all, just a building - a very expensive building with its fair share of problems.  We didn't need it - and God knew that.  He closed that door so many more could open.

I hope that I learn from this experience to trust more - to not fight so hard for what I think is right when clearly another path is where I am suppose to go - but I know myself better.  I will once again kick and scream my way through this life.  Thankfully God is there to gently (or not so gently) guide me in the right direction.  He only wants what is best for me.  He only wants what is best for all of us.
I know this - and I am thankful.

New

I find the coming of the new year almost comical.  For one it is an acceptable time for people to make changes.  Most people do not like change but for some reason during this time of year everyone is looking to change something - themselves, their life, their goals.  We get excited by the possibilities of growth and adventure.  We picture the "new me" in our heads and it is appealing and within grasp.  It is an almost magical time of year full of endless opportunities.  "This year I am going to be skinny!", "this year I will get that promotion!", "this year I will find the right person".  

Maybe I have been tainted by being in the fitness industry for too long but this magical season seems to last about 6 weeks at best.  The gyms are packed.  The stores carry more athletic clothing and healthy food.  We are all on this fabulous train to greatness..... and then.

Life happens.   The day to day activities start to take over.  We don't have enough time, energy, will power, determination or motivation to stay on our chosen path.  The monotony of life crowds out the inspiration we had for that one gleaming moment during New Year's.  Until, of course,  we get around the calendar again.

New Year's is also an acceptable time to let go.  We feel the burden of the year lift from our shoulders.  All of the regret and sadness are allowed to leave and we can start fresh.  New.

What if we treated every moment like New Year's.  We saw every minute as a new opportunity, a chance to let go.  A chance to change, to grow, to learn, to love.  Every single moment of every single day.  What if there was no New Year's Day and the opportunities were solely in your hands.  Would you do it?  Would you see it? Would you grab it and not let go?  6 weeks or a lifetime.  I know my answer - do you know yours?

Final Countdown

There is something to be said about the intimacy you can create between you and another person.

In two days we will lay our angel of a business to rest.  My emotions are somewhat similar to when I sat by my mother's bedside waiting for her to die.  Not nearly as intense but similar.  I think of all of the memories we have created with our EDGE family, the relationships we have built and regret that there is not more time to continue building them.  I want desperately to hang on, to keep going, to persevere, and yet I know this is the end.

Unlike many people I embrace change.  I thrive on it.  It excites me and gets my heart pounding.  I feel alive.  I know that my next chapter will be just as challenging, beautiful, and rewarding as this one has been but as I sit at this vigil it is hard for me to see.

I don't like to measure things as "successes" or "failures" but rather how have I changed and what  have I learned.  This much I know.  I am passionate. I am creative. I am dedicated. I take risks. I like to "live on the edge".  I am rich beyond measure in the currency of human kindness.  I am terrible with money, I lack a desire to obtain it.  I lack a desire to manage it and simply wish we didn't have to deal with it.  It is the one thing with utmost certainty that we will never take with us.

I have been afforded this luxury of not thinking about money because my husband is a wonderful provider.  I have the freedom to not really worry about it.  Unfortunately that freedom led to the demise of our dear business.  It is one of my fatal flaws - but I am OK with it.

The number one thing I learned from the EDGE and the skill that will most certainly be most valuable throughout the rest of my life is this.  Take the risk to get to know a person, to love them and to care for them without reservation or hesitation.  Before the EDGE I was afraid to do this.  I was more concerned with what someone would think of me.  How juvenile.

It took a long time for me to relax enough to embrace the brand new face walking through the door.  You have to be willing to open yourself up in order to see into someone else.  I don't know intimate details of these lives.  For most, I don't even know what they do outside of coming to the Edge.  Does that matter? No.  My relationship with these people is deep even though words may not be a part of it.  I know when someone is having a bad day.  I know when someone just needs a touch of kindness.  I know when someone needs to be encouraged.  Words have nothing to do with it.

When I journeyed through cancer my relationship with God became the same way.  Sometimes words are not enough.  Sometimes words are just words.  They can't possibly hold the weight of emotion.  I used to lie in bed and have a conversation with God.  I still do on occasion but mostly I just invite Him in.  I open myself up to Him and just "be".   I think when you can just "be" with someone,  dare to look them in the eyes and "see" them - that is when a relationship is built.  Where things are no longer superficial but intimate.

These relationships, these people, make me a better person and they will stay with me long after the end of the Edge.  So I challenge you.  Make relationships.  Dare to "see" the person in front of you in line.  Be willing to let them "see" you.  The Edge was a safe place where love was bountiful but guess what? The world is that way too.  You just have to be willing to open yourself up see it.

The Calm and the Storm

I have not written on my blog in over a year for several reasons.  I gave my time to other things and I didn't seem to have much to write about.  We all have moments in our life when things are calm.  When everything just seem to be going along quite nicely and there is nothing to "report".  Everyone is healthy, happy and only having minor struggles in the day to day life.  This has been the case over the last year.  Recently though, I did notice the storm clouds approaching..... perhaps it was the Holy Spirit telling me to "get ready - something is coming".  I have heard this "voice" a few times in my life and when it comes I try to ignore it.  I don't like waiting for the other shoe to drop - I don't live that way.  Never the less the voice seemed to get louder over the last month or so.

As with most traumatic events there was a shock. A bolt of lightning that set it all off.  My dearest friend lost her husband in an instant.  Her healthy, beautiful husband was here one minute and gone the next. Massive heart attack.

I am naming my dear friend "Brave" and if you know me at all you know her.  I met her 11 years ago when we moved in next door to her.  Her beauty was the first thing I noticed - in fact at the time I believe I said to my husband "I am not sure I can live next door to someone so beautiful" but I soon discovered her outer beauty was a manifestation of her incredible inner beauty.   Her compassion and sincerity were magnetic and we became fast friends.  Through the years our sons became best friends and our husbands as well.  An ideal match in all respects.  We always wanted to spend more time with each other - never less.  We always enjoy each others company.  Two years ago Brave and I opened a business together.  We were concerned that it might strain our friendship but it only brought us closer.  I can't recall ever having even a tiff with her in the time that I have known her.  Our families molded almost into one family - who would drive the boys to swimming ...... what was for dinner.

Three years ago Brave took on the challenge of nursing me through breast cancer.  I was a mess.  Hormonal, emotional, miserable at times.  We were both too young to have to worry about such things and yet there is was.  She made life bearable.  Having never walked that path before she handled my situation with such grace and courage.  Knowing exactly when I needed to talk and when I just needed to be.  She was my strength when I needed it most.

So here we are in another storm.  This one more traumatic, more permanent, and now I am on the other side. Our family is broken.  A large hole has been left that no one can fill and I feel helpless.  I now understand what it feels like to desperately want to take the pain away from someone.  So much so that it aches in every part of my body and being.  I want to help and yet there is no fixing this.

So, I will do my best to take what I learned from her and comfort her as much as I can as we walk this valley together.   I will hold her hand and cry with her and do everything in my power to let her know she is not alone and still.... it will not be enough.

We never know how long storms are going to last.  Sometimes they are over quickly.  This time it will last awhile but I know in the deepest part of me that faith will bring us through the storm and some day.... one day..... the sky will clear and the calm will come again.

Doors

I have been thinking a lot about doors lately.  How they open. Who opens them.  We recently watched the movie Temple Grandin and there is a running theme throughout the movie about doors - "they open up a whole new world".  Sometimes I think we try and create doors that really shouldn't be there.  Other times the door is so big, grand and right in front of us but we can't see what is on the other side.  These doors take a lot of courage to even approach and open.  Then there are the times when we have to choose between doors.  This could be the most intimidating of them all.  How do we choose?  By choosing one door we are not choosing the other door.

When we opened this business I believed the door was opened for me.  Everything happened easily and without much struggle.  It was challenging and it took courage to actually do it but for the most part it happened easily.  I had a meeting with my family at the beginning of all of this.  We discussed what life would be like around the house while we got the business up and running.  I told them this first year was going to be hard.  Very hard.  I knew I wouldn't be around much.  What I didn't know was what impact that would have on my family.  I am now seeing the results of this.  At first it was something everyone could handle but now that we are going on 7 months they are getting tired of me not being around.  I am tired of not being around.  I LOVE my business but I love my family more.  I have started to wonder if that door was truly open for me or if I created it for my own personal benefit.

I have to believe that I am suppose to be doing this with my business.  So much good is coming to so many people because of it.  I see change in bodies and minds every single day and that could not possibly be a bad thing.  I am hoping doors will continue to open so that we can hire some instructors and I can spend some quality time with my family during the week.  There is enough of me to go around but just not enough hours in the day.  My family has been so supportive and initially I expected to have them at The Edge all of the time but as it turns out my dream is not exactly their dream.  I am experiencing the effect of my actions on the people I love and I hope that someday they too will look back on this time and say yes it was a struggle but in the end it all worked out and it was worth it.  I am giving it a bit more time.  I believe eventually I will be able to balance both my family life and my business life.  Challenge is good.  Change is good.  Both produce growth.  The biggest challenge is knowing when to change.

Our Christmas Card

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_e9No6-5umg&context=C3c7b757ADOEgsToPDskJ-mJDaBwLAgzeJvBcX8l5U

Thankful

Two years ago today I got the phone call that brought me to my knees.  First in fear and anguish and then in prayer.  It took a few days but God poured his grace over me and I knew everything was as it should be.  He has been so good to me and today I am nothing but thankful.  Thankful to have the friends and family He has given me. Thankful for the doctors and nurses that took care of me. Thankful for my health and to simply be alive.  I am extremely thankful to have the faith that I do - it has carried me when I was not strong enough to carry myself.  This Christmas I wish all of you the peace and comfort that comes in knowing you are right where you are supposed to be.  I challenge you to live your life in gratitude - looking at the things you DO have.  I hope that you look at each hiccup in your life as another opportunity to grow and I wish you the courage to succeed and overcome obstacles.  Most of all I wish you love.  Love from others.  Love for others. I hope you feel His love, the most powerful love I have ever felt, surrounding you.  I most sincerely wish you a very merry, meaningful and beautiful Christmas.

Conviction

There have been very few things I have done in my life with total conviction.  Most of the time when stepping into the unknown there is trepidation and fear.  I would be lying if I told you I was completely convicted when I married John.  I married him when I was 24 and although at the time I thought I was quite mature I was incredibly "young".  The outcome of our marriage also depended on both of us and I had to  learn to trust him completely.  Honestly, I had a hard time thinking that I was good enough for someone to want to spend the rest of their life with me - I had a lot of self doubt in those days.  Fortunately for both of us John hung in there with me while I grew up.  We are in it for the long haul and now I can say with utmost certainty that He is my "one".  I love him with all of my heart and am completely convicted in our relationship.

I knew from the get go that our decision to have children was right.  I wasn't sure what kind of parents we would make but I knew that we would try our absolute best.  I never questioned that decision.

The only other two times I entered into something with complete conviction was when I began cancer treatment and when I started our business.  Both scary but not once did I think that either one would not be successful.  I believe that when you do something with that much conviction you are bound to get something right.  Conviction keeps you going.  It gets you through the rough patches.  It gives you courage you might not normally have.  It lets you know how capable you are.  It makes dreams come true.

Guess what we got?

The janitor at Jack's school was giving them away so of course we took two :)  Jack's Christmas present to Julia.

Embrace Birthdays!

This is the new "movement" I am starting. I think it is ridiculous that we sometimes dread the passing of time - we should be so thankful that we have had that time and excited by the opportunity to get more of it! A friend of mine posted this on her blog and I wanted to re-post it here too (thanks Marni!). Some wonderful truths :)

Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old. This is something we should all read at least once a week!!!!! 

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
 1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Change the way you think.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. Release your children when they become adults, its their life now
 9. Save for retirement starting with your first pay cheque.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye.
16. Take a deep breath It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Just because you believe you are right, doesn't mean you are. Keep an open mind.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. Your job is to love your children, not choose who they should love.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come...
 43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield..
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

Height

This one is for all of those who don't get to see us that often. Jack is quickly rising up to meet me - this is us standing back to back. Hello 13 - I wonder what this photo will look like when he is 16?

Trying your best

This has been a common theme in our house lately. There is a big difference between "trying" and "trying your best". What is your "best"? Usually there is more we can do to be doing our best. Spend a little extra time - dive into the unknown - risk failure. Jack is especially challenged with this this year. 8th grade is hard and his schedule is so full. It would be much easier for him to do everything half way but he is learning what it takes to be "great". Rarely do we get to be the "greatest" but sometimes we get to be great. It is just never given to us - we have to earn it. We have to practice, sweat, work, push, exceed and challenge - then, maybe, we get to be great. I can honestly say I am trying my best to make this business work. Beyond that it comes down to faith. I know I need a little help from God too. Julia is working her butt off to become the singer she has always wanted to be. John has always been an inspiration in doing your best. He works so hard and finds ways to be even better at his job. I guess what I am trying to say is that it is easy to want to quit. To just say to yourself - I am not capable of doing this. I have days (like today) where my body wants to give out and my mind is so full it just wants to quit. But I can't. This is my life - I want to live it. So on we go. We keep trying...... our best.

Make new friends.....

but keep the old - one is silver and the others gold. I have been making a LOT of new friends these days. These are the new people coming into our club and I find it so fascinating to hear all about their lives and get to know them better. Tonight I was able to go to a party with a bunch of "old" friends. They really are not old friends but some of them I have not seen in a while. As much as I love my new friends there is something about being around the people you have grown to become comfortable with. You don't have the pressure of presenting yourself in a particular manner - you can just be you. It was refreshing tonight to just have fun and let some bygones be bygones. I enjoyed some great camaraderie and food too! A sure sign that it is worth the effort to keep those friendships alive.

Peace

"God, make me an instrument of your peace". That has been running through my head for days now. I have been so blessed to meet so many amazing people but a few of them are going through some hard times right now. I am humble knowing that often I don't know the right things to say or do. I want to offer something - anything - to make them feel better but sometimes words are not enough. I find myself on the other end of the spectrum these days with my cancer club. I now am the one feeling helpless - knowing that all I can offer is love, encouragement and prayers for a healthy recovery and eased pain. I want to live fully and lead respectfully. I want to be able to touch someone and know that the touch brings them peace - the only way I know I can do that is through God. I give it all up to Him.

Time

I am sure I have blogged about this before but here I go again. Such a strange thing, time. When we have too much of it we don't quite know what to do. When we have too little of it all we want is more. I am in need of more time right now. I was very happy to take a couple of days and get away with John for our 17th wedding anniversary this past weekend. We really needed some time to re-connect. I was also able to communicate - with no real solution - that I am having a hard time juggling laundry, cleaning, cooking, carpooling, homework and running a business all at the same time. I know the plan is for one year - that seems like forever to me right now. I LOVE my job and I know what I am suppose to do but I miss my family, my husband and my children. I am praying for more business so we can hire a few more people - this body is getting TIRED. I am about to hit the "42" marker -oye - feeling every year of that lately. Not to complain. I did this to myself. I love having Jack work the front desk for us and I also love having John, Jack and Julia take classes from me - makes me feel like they are really in my world. Time keeps on ticking, ticking, ticking into the future..... Lets make sure we use it wisely.

Oh hello.... remember me?

Yes I know it has been quite a long hiatus from blogging. I am not one to fill you in on the contents of my cereal bowl or the state of my fingernails so for a lack of things to write about I apologize.

I am now in the state of new business ownership where I am saying to myself almost daily "what the hell was I thinking?". I am sure most new business owners feel this way at some point. The excitement of opening has worn off and the reality that this business has to work has settled in. I have been humbled over and over and over again. My faith is strong and I have no doubt that this was something I was led to do. So every morning I walk out the door and meet Suzanne and we smile a wide (almost forced) smile at each other and say "today is going to be a good day". For the most part they are good days - we see people we love and enjoy and we get to do what we love to do. But in the back of our heads we are freaking out a bit that we haven't had more people come through our doors. Patience. For some reason this is such a hard one for me. God obviously wanted me to learn it when I went through cancer treatment and maybe I have forgotten it already because here I am learning it again. "If you build it, they will come". Well God, we built it. I heard the voice - I hope it was yours and not mine. So we will wait and hope and work and try and give and laugh and love and be. Today is a new day.

Commercial

So I have been asked by Marian Hospital to be a part of their new commercial campaign. Sounds quite exciting! I have never been around this kind of environment before so it should be fun. I have been near photo shoots so I am guessing it will be similar. I will be playing myself but with a bit more drama to make it more interesting. It requires turning me back into a chemo patient with hair (hahaha) and makeup. I am looking at it from the artistic point of view. I have SO moved beyond that point in my life so I will allow myself to go back for the few hours needed to film this thing and then onward we go. We start filming next week - wish me luck!