Kicking and Screaming

My faith is strong.  I am confident saying that  - with all of the death, sickness and moves that have happened in my life - my faith has pulled me through.  That is not to say it has never been shaken.  My prayer always is that God will put before me the path that I am suppose to take - but often I am like a 2 year old.  You can picture that kid who doesn't want to be in the car seat, or go to bed, or get dressed, and wriggles and fights to get what they want.  I am a very bad listener most of the time.  My ego and my humanness get in the way of what is truly best for me.

Suzanne and I fought the closure of the Edge for a LONG time.  Much longer than most people realized.  We did not want to fail but more importantly we did not want to let people down.  We spent so much of our energy growing a business into a living, breathing, being, filled with love and kindness that closing it would be like killing it.  When doors started to close on us we would find a crack in a window somewhere.  When the window closed we found an air vent.  We fought hard but in the end EVERY door was closed, or more like slammed and locked.  We looked at each other and decided this must be what was intended for us - God has a bigger plan.

After the closure grief set in.   We were anxious.  Couldn't sleep.  We didn't know what to do with our time.  I dove into the one thing that I know helps me deal with life - exercise.  I was working out harder after the Edge closed than when we were teaching all of the time.  When I took my first class at another gym I almost cried.  WHAT DID WE DO??  This wasn't the same - not even close.  We must have made a huge mistake.  We couldn't even drive by the old Edge location without feeling sick.

We reluctantly decided to run our bootcamp at the park.  Workout outside?  Really? Well, if that is the only place we can truly do what we love then it will have to do.  We are only one week into our "mobile" bootcamp and on Friday when Suzanne and I pulled into the driveway we looked at each other with tears in our eyes.  This is good.  We are doing exactly what we did at the Edge but in a different location.  We in fact LOVE working out outside - there is something so calming about the fresh air and blue sky.  We are connecting again with amazing people and building confidence and health.  We didn't realize how heavy the burden of that building was around our necks.  It was, after all, just a building - a very expensive building with its fair share of problems.  We didn't need it - and God knew that.  He closed that door so many more could open.

I hope that I learn from this experience to trust more - to not fight so hard for what I think is right when clearly another path is where I am suppose to go - but I know myself better.  I will once again kick and scream my way through this life.  Thankfully God is there to gently (or not so gently) guide me in the right direction.  He only wants what is best for me.  He only wants what is best for all of us.
I know this - and I am thankful.