I have not written on my blog in over a year for several reasons. I gave my time to other things and I didn't seem to have much to write about. We all have moments in our life when things are calm. When everything just seem to be going along quite nicely and there is nothing to "report". Everyone is healthy, happy and only having minor struggles in the day to day life. This has been the case over the last year. Recently though, I did notice the storm clouds approaching..... perhaps it was the Holy Spirit telling me to "get ready - something is coming". I have heard this "voice" a few times in my life and when it comes I try to ignore it. I don't like waiting for the other shoe to drop - I don't live that way. Never the less the voice seemed to get louder over the last month or so.
As with most traumatic events there was a shock. A bolt of lightning that set it all off. My dearest friend lost her husband in an instant. Her healthy, beautiful husband was here one minute and gone the next. Massive heart attack.
I am naming my dear friend "Brave" and if you know me at all you know her. I met her 11 years ago when we moved in next door to her. Her beauty was the first thing I noticed - in fact at the time I believe I said to my husband "I am not sure I can live next door to someone so beautiful" but I soon discovered her outer beauty was a manifestation of her incredible inner beauty. Her compassion and sincerity were magnetic and we became fast friends. Through the years our sons became best friends and our husbands as well. An ideal match in all respects. We always wanted to spend more time with each other - never less. We always enjoy each others company. Two years ago Brave and I opened a business together. We were concerned that it might strain our friendship but it only brought us closer. I can't recall ever having even a tiff with her in the time that I have known her. Our families molded almost into one family - who would drive the boys to swimming ...... what was for dinner.
Three years ago Brave took on the challenge of nursing me through breast cancer. I was a mess. Hormonal, emotional, miserable at times. We were both too young to have to worry about such things and yet there is was. She made life bearable. Having never walked that path before she handled my situation with such grace and courage. Knowing exactly when I needed to talk and when I just needed to be. She was my strength when I needed it most.
So here we are in another storm. This one more traumatic, more permanent, and now I am on the other side. Our family is broken. A large hole has been left that no one can fill and I feel helpless. I now understand what it feels like to desperately want to take the pain away from someone. So much so that it aches in every part of my body and being. I want to help and yet there is no fixing this.
So, I will do my best to take what I learned from her and comfort her as much as I can as we walk this valley together. I will hold her hand and cry with her and do everything in my power to let her know she is not alone and still.... it will not be enough.
We never know how long storms are going to last. Sometimes they are over quickly. This time it will last awhile but I know in the deepest part of me that faith will bring us through the storm and some day.... one day..... the sky will clear and the calm will come again.