Monday, December 21, 2009

The first day

I am going to chronicle the events of this new chapter in my life so that I can get my feelings down and maybe keep some semblance of sanity throughout this.

The phone call came today at around 12:30. I looked at the caller ID and saw that it was my doctors office. I quickly answered. She said "Hi is this Kristin?this is doctor Freeman's office" I said "yes". She said "we would like to make an appointment for you to come in this afternoon"....

That was when the blood left my body and my heart started beating hard - I have never felt that way before. I managed to get off of the phone but sat in my chair and broke down. Went in to tell John and broke down.

The details of the rest of the day are insignificant other than the moment I had to tell my children. I will never forget that moment for the rest of my life. Their sweet little faces seemed to be even younger than they already are. We all cried - the 4 of us.

I am going to do my best to be strong. I will use every bit of fight in me (and that is a lot). But I feel the shock to my body of the news right now. I have become very tuned into my physical body while teaching classes and I can observe things that are going on. The fast heartbeat does not go away. There is almost a tingling sensation all of the time (fear I am sure) and my body can't seem to regulate it's temperature. All symptoms of shock I am guessing. Up until this news I was feeling very good and healthy.

Sleep will not come easy tonight even though I am beyond exhausted.

Pray for me and my family.


Sally said...

I love you so much, Kristin. I am praying for all four of you and I know you can beat this. You are so strong. So positive. And your faith will help you through.

I'm sure you're in shock, and that will last for a while. I'm in shock too - I didn't think this would happen for at least another 10 years.

Your family is strong. Strong as a unit and individually, totally able to get through the toughest battles together. I'm sure it won't be easy but you will all come out the other side stronger and better than you went in. You will become even closer if that's possible.

I want to tell you how proud I am of you too. You knew this was a risk and you have been so proactive in taking care of yourself. You fought the doctors to get tests they said you didn't need yet. You take excellent care of your physical body, your spiritual self, everything. You are in tune with it all. You have done everything you could to prepare for this. Now it's go-time and you're ready for this battle. You can do it.

I'm here for you - maybe from a distance - but I'm your loudest cheerleader screaming from the sidelines. I'm here. I feel your panic and your fear. I'm here. I love you. I'm praying. I know you can do this. You are amazing. You are Kristin. It doesn't get better than that.

So much love, sweetie.

Crash said...

oh, kris. you know you don't walk this road alone. we are here for you and your family. we love you all so much!