The other night my niece, Myrah (who is here until next Monday) went to see the new Twilight movie with some friends of ours and that left our little family unit home. We were all sitting around the table and it occurred to me that this was the very first time all 4 of us had been alone since before my surgery - 3 weeks ago.
The kids had a bit of a melt down. There were tears and hugs. I think, and hope, that it was from relief. They hadn't had a chance to process all of that fear and anxiety from the day of surgery and the subsequent recovery they had to observe. When you are a child you think your parents are invincible. They are the strong ones who are suppose to take care of you. For them to see me move so slowly with tubes in me and bandages everywhere must have been extremely hard.
I hope their security in knowing that their parents will be there to help them and love them and be strong for them is returning. I know their world was rocked and mortality became a very real thing for them much earlier than for most children. I can not take that away - it will always be there - but I hope it gives them strength and a fierce love for life that will help carry them through. I hope it strengthened their faith which is just starting to materialize. I wish I could take everything I have learned in the last 6 months and transfer it into their minds - but I can't. It is not their time to learn those things yet. Instead I will keep them in a jar and give those treasured lessons to them the best that I can one at a time - hopefully right when they need it.