Breast Cancer Awareness Month

Here it is. October. I can't believe it starts tomorrow - where did the summer go? My goal this month is to try and dispel fear surrounding breast cancer. I had several "scares" before the real deal turned my life upside down and I would imagine most women will, at some time in their life, have to face the unknown when a lump or abnormality is found. Our diagnostic tools are getting so good and they are finding so much more than they used to.

It is from the time that someone tells you there "might" be "something" there until the time you find out what it is that makes you a bit crazy. Questions swirl around in your head. What would I do?

The fact is you would just do what needs to be done. Your survival mode kicks into high gear and you just do it. Sometimes I wish I could summon that attitude at will - treat every side of my life with the same passion that I had to kick cancers butt. It is quite an amazing thing to realize how strong you can be.

So don't worry about it. Don't wallow in fear. Just do your self breast exams, get your mammograms and move on. If that bridge comes - you will cross it - and the other side might just look a little prettier.

8 week count down!

Holy cracker box! I only have 8 weeks to get my bootie in shape for this walk - yikes! I also have 2 weeks to get in shape to start teaching again. I am a little freaked out about being on the mic again. I have this fear that I wont know what to say and get stage fright (hard to imagine I know). I hope it is like riding a bike because 9 months is a long time to take a break from anything. I think "rusty" wont even begin to describe my first few times out.

I have developed a habit of making baked goods to bring to my doctors appointments. I guess it was something I could do to take up the time I would have been working out. Dr. Miracle thought I was just doing it to make everyone else fat while I wasn't working out..... maybe subliminally I was. Oops? Even so I am now well equipped to have a hardy supply of sweets to sell at our next bake sale fundraiser!

Voyeurism

I have had a couple of people tell me lately that they feel funny reading my blog. Like they are peeking into my windows or something. I do keep a few things private but for the most part my life is an open book. When I was younger I wanted to keep up the facade of being perfect. I would worry about what others thought of me. I used to lie often - sometimes without a reason - just to make a story more interesting or to get myself out of trouble. It was a lot of work to keep those walls up and remember the stories I had told. It was tiring. A waste of energy. In reality we are not perfect. We screw up. There will always be someone richer, smarter, prettier, younger, more talented, etc. I figured out awhile ago that most people just want to know that they are normal. Have something in common with someone else. So why hide our insecurities? We all have them.

Back to the voyeurism. I think it is easier being a voyeur with someone you don't know. I love reading other people's blogs - I don't feel like I am peeking. It is a bit harder reading about someone you know. It makes you feel like your relationship with that person needs to be more intimate. Well here is a nice bit of info for you. I have no idea who reads my blog. I don't know if you read it once a month or 4 times a day. So, have at it. Peek all you want and when I see you again I will never know the difference. On the other hand if you do want to have a deeper relationship with me I am open to that too.

Links

Here are a couple of links to Julia's performance - if you can get past the fact that John recorded it sideways and just listen you can hear her but the video is not great - I will try and post the better one when we get it.

I gotta feeling


Alice

Encouragement

I have been sporting the "biker babe" hair lately and going without a hat. Yes my hair is perhaps 2 centimeters long but I really don't care anymore. I haven't colored it or anything yet but warm weather was enough to help me let go of my "security hat" and venture out.

This past weekend we went to Julia's talent show and a local BBQ where we saw many people we knew. Some of them have not seen me in a long time and it was fun to see their faces. The more people I talk to the more I hear that this year has been rough on many, many people. People are facing challenges they have never seen before. A look of relief was on those faces as they saw that I was OK. My hair growing back - color in my skin - mostly looking healthy. If she is OK than I will be OK too.

As we head around the bend towards 2011 I am encouraged that we will see changes for the good - remarkable changes. I am already planning my New Year's Eve bash to send 2010 packing and never look back.

Good Morning World!

And Happy 40th Birthday Sally!

Moving on

Well kids I am back to running carpools to and from music lessons and sporting events. Jack had his first appointment at the orthodontist office today. Julia will be performing in a talent show this weekend. I helped a little with the decorating of an outdoor fundraiser and I am making bracelets to sell to raise money for Susan G. Almost back to my usual busy self minus the working out and teaching.... life is moving on.

Life Rearranged

I am a guest blogger on this amazing and inspiring blog - liferearranged.com. Jeannett helps to raise money for all kinds of charities and shares stories of inspiration along the way. You will find it hard to stop reading and checking back in with her blog. Her own story is a reminder that we never know what hand we will be dealt - it is what we do with that hand that defines us.

Unique

I was thinking last night how much we categorize and label ourselves into little boxes. It is how we make assumptions and draw conclusions. Our language getting in the way. Who is to say that someone who has never been to church or opened a religious book doesn't have stronger faith and a more solid relationship with God than someone who spends their whole life studying and pursuing their religion. I love the fact that we are all unique. We all have a different way of looking at things and we all have different relationships - especially with God. For some of us faith comes easily and for others the need for proof is almost overwhelming. For some of us life comes easily and for others it is always an uphill battle. The way we work on the inside is so different even though we are all people - like the innards of a watch. Over the last few months I have really come to understand that there are people out there that I will never understand and I shouldn't even try. They are just different than me - and that's OK.

Best advice ever!

I saw Dr. Miracle today because I had a bit of swelling in one side. We are watching it for now and it should be fine but the best part is he told me not to do anything like vacuuming, washing dishes etc for awhile - hee hee! The bad news is that until I see him again in 3 weeks I am not allowed to work out at all. Big BUMMER. I am trying to look at the big picture - realizing in the scheme of things this is not a long time. I am so grateful that everything has had such a good outcome. I am blessed - especially since I don't have to do any housecleaning :)

My home is on fire

From the time I was born until I was ten years old I lived in a very rustic cabin in the hills above Boulder, Colorado. It was called Sunshine Canyon. It was a very magical time in my life where imagination ran my days - playing with my sisters outside in hills covered with wild flowers and trees. We had goats and a pony and we saw deer almost daily.

Two days ago a large fire started and now over 90 homes have burned. The smoke has covered the city of Boulder with ash and soot. The sky is orange and everyone's eyes are burning. It is 0% contained and threatens many more homes - some of which I know the owners.

My "cabin" has long been gone - torn down to be rebuilt as a large custom home - but my memories make me sad to think of those hills in flames. Please say a prayer for those people who have lost their houses and for the firefighters who can hopefully get a handle on this situation quickly.

Fountain of youth

So, I finally peeked and I am so happy. I feel like chemo robbed my body of 10 years. My skin looks older and my body is not nearly as toned (hopefully I will get that back) but the good new is that Dr. Miracle took that one part of me and made it look 20 again. They are not too big or too small and most definitely remind me of a younger version of myself. It brought tears to my eyes because it doesn't feel foreign - it is something I recognize. I feel whole. There must be magic in those hands:)

Miracle worker

Surgery went GREAT yesterday! We got a late start but Dr. Miracle finished in record time. I woke up with a pretty little granny bra on with gauze underneath that so I am not exactly sure what they look like yet but from what I can tell they are beautiful. Much softer than the expanders and I finally slept last night on my side and didn't feel like there was an egg underneath my arm. From what I can tell they look pretty natural. I have two drains in but they should come out next week. I will have to write later after I see the final product but I think Dr. Miracle should sign his name on his masterpiece. :) Grateful and amazed!

Chapter coming to a close

I wish I could express the joy I am feeling knowing that tomorrow will be my last step in this process. I am hoping the recovery is quick so I can get on with sharing everything I have learned in the last 8 months with all of you and many more along the way. It may sound strange but I would not trade any of this in. It has helped me grow exponentially. It has increased my faith ten fold (and I never thought my faith could). It has helped me to love deeper and trust stronger. The beauty it took away on the outside was brought to the inside. I hope I continue to grow and learn - but more importantly I hope to give and to share. I have not walked in your shoes, but I hope through this blog you have walked a bit in mine, and I hope you feel grace.