Saturday, May 22, 2010


WARNING: Very sappy, gooey, make you want to be sick post - feel free to skip it.

I wish I could film John in all of his fine moments throughout this journey. I would broadcast it to every other spouse going through this in the hope that their relationships would become richer and deeper. I understood, when this first happened, John's behavior. He was worried about me, worried about losing me, and worried about what would happen to our family. In the beginning he said all of the right things, hugged me when he just knew I needed a hug, gave me space at just the right time.

Now, 5 months into it, he is still doing the same thing. I wonder if I would have lasted as long if the tables were turned. I am grumpy sometimes and when nobody else can see my insecurities I take them out on John. I get frustrated with my bald head and my bulging belly and yet he continues to see only beauty. He loves me. I mean the deep kind of love you are always searching for. I know this now for certain. I always knew he loved me but I sometimes wondered how deep that love went. Would he love me still when my skin was saggy and my hair was grey? Yes, because he can love me when steroids make me crazy and I have NO hair. I know what this deep love is because I feel it for him. That love that is so strong sometimes it is hard to look at that person - it is so overwhelming. Like when you watch your child sleep.

When you have something this good you want to shout it from the rooftops - and so I am. Sorry to drip this sap and goo all over you - I couldn't help it.


joy said...

awww....i love hearing this! it has been amazing to watch you and your family go on this journey. love you guys!

Kim Safina said...

The Journey Continues ~

Kristen, TEARS are strolling down my face as I read your heartfelt and honest blog.
That is what
is all about!!
Thank you for posting your journey with us! I sooo appreciate you! BY THE WAY ~ I agree with John 100% = I see ONLY YOUR BEAUTY!!! You have it inside as well as outside!!
How about a lunch/ Tea/Starbucks ??? in the next week or so with me, Janell, Joy, and Suzanne? My treat!!!

Nickninty9 said...

Only wish I had the chance to show my wife that I cared this much for her. Her death however was sudden and I can only hope she knew. Even with all you are going through you still are one of the lucky ones. Love like you have is so rare. Thanks for reminding me how fortunate I was.

Sally said...

I love it! Beautiful post!!!

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Sheri said...

Keep shoutin'!