I have always anticipated getting the new music and DVD in the mail so I could anxiously open the package and see what new things I could learn to teach our members. Yesterday the new release came in the mail. I just threw it on my desk. You see about a week ago I ventured into the gym - it wasn't to work out or take a class - just to help decorate the group fitness room. It was the first time I had been in there since I started Chemo. I became very emotional and had to leave. I was so frustrated that I could not be there to teach classes - something I love so much. It was a realization that my road ahead might be long before I can get back to "normal". So, the arrival of these materials just frustrated me.
Today though I was board and sitting at my computer - my eyes kept glancing over at the box. Finally I opened it. I thought - "well maybe I can look at a few tracks". In the last few weeks I have tried to do an entire class in my living room and could never make it through - my body rebelled. Today though I started at the beginning and did not hold back - I made it to the end - and without warning tears started streaming down my face. I was overcome. Thrilled with this minor accomplishment - "I made it through a class". Maybe this is all anyone feels when those tears stream down their faces. Maybe it is something altogether different. All I know is that today - I feel hope.