Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Roll Reversal

I am having a bit of a hard time adjusting to this new physical body. I know the cancer is NOT making me weak (I wont let it) but the chemo definitely is. I am having an even harder time adjusting to my mental roll through this treatment. I am so used to being the "strong" one both physically and mentally. I enjoy pumping people up and making them feel strong, encouraging them. I also am very stubborn and love to do things myself without any help. I don't like doing anything half way and always want to do my best or better and I am extremely competitive. Now things have changed. I do need help. I need to rely on others to do things for me and sometimes my best is not that great. The other night I was sitting down and stood up too fast and almost fainted - that threw me for a loop. I needed to wait a few minutes to try again and had to rely on John to steady me. I guess I am learning to let people in. Let them enjoy being strong for me. I am learning what it is like to be meek and need help. One of the harder lessons I am learning but obviously I needed to learn it. Another gift - not wrapped in pretty paper but a gift no less.

1 comment:

Sally said...

Every time you ask for help, know that you are really helping us. It's so hard to watch you go through all of this without being able to do anything. Every time you ask, it gives us a chance to feel just a little bit useful. I know it's hard, but don't hesitate. I don't have enough fingers or toes to count how many people would jump at the chance to do something - anything - for you. You reap what you sow, and you've been sowing good stuff for a looooong time. I love you!