The loss of those items tore me apart for a long time but it was the moment I started to live a different life. I realized eventually that they were indeed just things and to this day I can still remember exactly what they looked like. It was a defining moment because I started to not care about items anymore. I am not a pack rat. I tend to throw things out rather than keep them. I started to value the people in my life and the moment I am in more than the memories. I have a very bad memory. I think it is because I have learned to not dwell on the past - I prefer to enjoy the present. That doesn't mean that I don't miss my Mom sometimes or wish that I had that ring to give to Julia someday. I do. I have a few choice items locked away in the garage to share with my children someday but for the most part life is about today - I live mostly in the now - forgetting the past and not worrying about the future (maybe to a fault). I try to love the people I am with now and I don't walk around with regret that I didn't do things differently. I try to learn from my mistakes and move on. If anything I hold onto the people in my life too much rather than the things. I probably hold them too tight to my heart. I guess this blog is an item that records and remembers for me so I can move on.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Sentiment, remembrance and regret
When I was much younger I used to get quite attached to things. Knickknacks mostly. Little treasures from other people. A Christmas gift from someone special or a neat rock I found on one of our Sunday picnics. After my Mom died I had one of her bracelets - it reminded me of her so much and I would play with it on my wrist when I thought of her. I did this so often that one day the clasp broke. I put the bracelet in my purse so I could get it fixed. Around the same time this happened the ring that John proposed to me with (a beautiful ring that had been his family for a long time) had a loose diamond. I put this ring in my purse too until I could get to a jeweler to have it fixed. One day at work I realized my purse was missing. It was in the same place I always kept it - secure in my office. I knew someone I worked with had stolen it. I searched and searched the entire building getting more frantic with each step not wanting to admit that these treasures were gone. When it finally hit me I collapsed on the floor in a heaving bundle of tears.
Posted by Kristin at 8:23 AM