Have you ever been on one of those amusement park rides that are like elevators that bring you up several stories and then drop you? If you are only a few years older than me you may have not. I only experienced this once - it was enough - but let me describe it for you.
You wait in line with all of this anticipation thinking "I can do this" and yet part of you is a little scared. Your brain tries to logistically talk you out of that fear "what could possibly happen - this is perfectly safe" but your tummy bubbles with adrenaline. You finally reach the front of the line "Woo Hoo!" and they strap you into the safety harness. Your feet dangle and swing waiting for the ride up. You begin to move upward, slowly. As you move up your perspective changes - you see things from a different view. Everything is beautiful and perfect from up here. You almost forget what is coming because you can't believe you are up so high and it feels like flying - you made it. Just when you are feeling on top of the world you stop. And hang there. And wait. All you hear is silence.
Then without warning you drop. As fast as you could ever imagine. Like the earth was just pulled out from underneath you. You fall. Out of control. Your heart racing. You don't breathe. It lasts longer than you think it should.
And then you are still. Your heart still pounding. A bit shaky. You are thankful for the safely straps but happy when they release you. You appreciate the firm ground when you stand up. You are surprised that your body and mind could endure something that crazy and still survive. You did it. Now things on the ground look different. You are different. You grab the hands of the people you are with who did it with you and you run off to get a funnel cake.
My life as an amusement park ride.