Thursday, April 15, 2010


One of my sister (I have 5 and 2 brothers) thought I should put more details in my blog - the nitty gritty. I have to say I don't have a lot to add as far as that goes. I think our fear of the unknown temps us into getting as much information as we possibly can about that unknown. The fear I had before diagnosis and right after diagnosis was significantly worse than the actual (so far anyway). Imagine having the flu with the nausea and aches - that is about as bad as it gets. The emotional element could easily do a number on you though. I can completely see someone falling down a pity party hole that is so deep it would be hard to climb out of.

Six months ago my life was perfect - I thought. I was at the top of my game. I had a job I couldn't wait to go to, I was in the best shape of my life, I had beautiful long blond hair (thanks to Todd, my hairdresser), my family was healthy and we were all getting along and I had great friends. I had a lot to lose. A long way to fall. And I could have fallen - but I didn't. Instead I am sitting at my computer finding out more about myself than I could have imagined. I have a better relationship with my husband than I ever thought possible. I am 10 pounds heavier, my skin breaks out every 3 weeks and I have menopause symptoms, I don't have any hair and exercise is something I am dreaming about doing. From the outside looking in it may seem like I should feel sorry for myself but I don't. I have an entirely new perspective on life and faith.

I think we can all make the best of our situations. When we are handed a challenge - be it illness or loss - the challenge is finding the good in it. I think it is OK to grieve and acknowledge the people or things about your life that you will miss but what is the point of feeling sorry for yourself. Where do you go from there?


Glenn said...

Thank you so much for this reminder.

Even though my moving here is not anywhere near what you are going through, I still
sometimes start to feel sorry for myself because I had to leave the central coast and move here. Other times I am so thankful because if I had not moved here, I would never have grown in ways that I have. You find out what you are made of when the "storms" of life hit. It might sound strange, but I sometimes feel sorry for people who never experience any kind of major change, disaster, disease, death or any one of the things that can happen to us here on this earth. But sometimes I am envious of them..I ask God, "Why can't I stay in one place for the rest of my life. Why do I have to move away from a place that I love?" Then I think, well they are probably experiencing different trials that I don't even know about. So, who am I to judge? I am only responsible for my own life and behavior, and I want to take the high you!

I agree with you...if we don't fall into that hole...we can really use these trials for great life learning lessons, and growing closer to God. Thanks for your inspiration. You have really stepped up to the plate and we can all learn from watching you.


Minstrel Incognito said...

Thanks a lot for sharing this wonderful thought... It's wonderful! I think God gave us this wonderful gift of life so that we could make the best use of it, come what may! Challenges and hurdles are just reminders on the way that I guess make us cherish this gift even more!

Take care,

kaci j said...

so inspiring.

Heidi said...

Love your perspective that you HAD a long way to fall because so much was so good. I think that's a fear many share. But as you said, you didn't. Instead you're growing and being an incredible inspiration to so many!