Saturday, April 17, 2010

Psycho Saturdays

I have a different opinion about Saturdays now. It used to be a day to look forward to but lately it is one of my tougher days after chemo. I turn into a complete witch. I am pumped full of steroids and if you cross me the wrong way a second head might just come out of my shoulder and bite your head clean off. I feel so bad for my family who has to endure this side of me. I try and do everything I can to keep myself in check - deep breathing, calming self talk - but sometimes the drugs are stronger than I am. I can turn on a dime too - reminding me with full force of the days when I was a teenager. This is not me. I know it is not me. I hope my family can remember that it is not me. I hope they can forgive the monster that looks like me and sounds like me but really is just a drug that keeps me from vomiting and has a really bad temper.

9 comments:

Sally said...

Eeew. That isn't fun. Your family knows it's the drug talking (or screeching), and you only have ONE MORE SATURDAY after today to endure! It's all good, baby cakes. I think I'm also officially starting two countdowns today, not counting today since it's more than 1/2 over: 16 days until I see your beautiful face, and 18 days until your last chemo! That's not long at all! I'm not even sure which one I'm more excited about!

Grimm's Teehaus / Grimm's Teahouse said...

Hello Kristin

I don't know you. But I just read the last entrance of your blog. I leave a comment because today I met an old friend of mine by chance. And she told me about a vitamin product that so far many people helped. I know there are many such products arround. I have to addmit I know not much about. But I just leave you the http address. Possibly its of some help to you. www.dr-rath.com
I'm sure there are better days ahead for you. Take care and all the best.

Thomas Grimm
CH-3402 Burgdorf
Switzerland

joy said...

Hi, Kris. You are doing so great!--you are not just enduring your cancer and treatment--you are thriving and growing through this trial. I am inspired and motivated by you and blessed beyond measure. Your family and your friends, we all know who you really are and we won't forget. Heck, we are thankful you have to be witchy for awhile because it is what kicks cancer's butt! I'm sending you a big hug down the hill.

Rafaelle Costa said...

the drugs cannot be stronger than you... i was looking for a good blog tonight, and i´ve found. i hope u stay ok. be strong, girl!!!!! good night ;)

Miss Punky said...

I stumbled across your blog and thought "Wow. What a strong woman". I have a soft spot in my heart for strong woman and think that you are amazing to endure what you have. Cancer has not made you weak. Just the opposite. It's given you the opportunity to see yourself, really see yourself, more clearly. And that, my dear, is a gift. I will pray for your continued strength and healing.

KittyBrooks said...

I stumbled onto your blog and just wanted to say how sorry I am. One of my aunts has been battling breast cancer on and off for the past 14 years. Every time it comes back the doctor puts her on some new medication, each one is worse than the previous one. She also has chemo on Fridays and then has the weekend off to recuperate. SHe does loose her temper faster than she used to, when she was not on chemo, but we all understand, at the end of the day. I really hope u feel better soon, that the chemo works and you never have to think about it again.

Michaela said...

Hi babe. You know me, I didnt just get here. Im sorry about your bad moods. I know how tough it can be, to try and keep control of yourself when other forces are making you grumpy. God love you for caring SO much about your hubby and kids. Some people are grumpy to their loved ones without a thought, but they have no good excuse. I admire you for caring and trying to be the best person you can be, despite your health issues. Luv ya!

john alexander said...

Pookie,
We are the ones that are lucky to get you in our lives.
So you are a witch sometimes big deal we love you and can withstand anything together. JKJJ forever!

Luisa said...

I think, once you become a woman and a mum, it's hard because everyone expects you to be happy, helpful and responsible all the time, even when you feel like absolute cr*p. I personally have not experienced this yet myself, being 19, but my mum is ill at the moment with cancer and I sometimes forget she isn't in the best state of mind, so I expect her to be pleasant all the time!!! Now I've realised it more, I let her be cranky :P

Don't worry too much, by the looks of it you seem to be a nice person and your family would understand, everyone is entitled to be cranky at times, especially when they're ill!! :)

I hope things go well :) :)